Published: Sunday, April 23 2016; 10:39 p.m. DMT
I got married when I was twenty-seven years old, seeing many perspectives around the world and in person. The following few things about dating will be addressed in this article: the dating situation that people face today, the attitude about dating today, and what we could do.
A lot of young single adults look around, seeing very few options for courtship. They may think that they may have to search far and wide, yet a lot of people have plenty of opportunities for dating, but they may struggling.
People feel pressured, and some are indifferent. A lot of people are impatient, wanting it to come within a year or two. They think that when they are twenty-two they are an old veteran. I have had a lot of roommates, and I have seen that the majority of them barely date. Some people have social anxieties. Some are looking for the ones that would fit their life perfectly. Personally, I explored methods of dating, and I came to a stage that relationships were pursuable. I am a student at BYU-Idaho, and one thing that was nice is that a new semester felt like I was starting over. This let me try new perspectives. Here what I have observed.
It is harder to date for a person who want to get married soon. After my first dating relationship after my mission, I learned to let go of the pressure. People feel that marriage needs to happen as soon as possible, and it should; however, marriage should not come by overbearing means. I have seen so many girls say: "I am not looking to get in a relationship." or "I don't plan on dating soon." Do you want to know what I see in these women? I see that they are engaged in their life's development, and the interesting thing is that they are usually engaged for marriage soon. Guys like to date girls who are engaged in life. A girl was wondering why she doesn't get asked out, and I asked her "What do you do?" She said nothing. How can people expect to be asked out if they don't get out to do much? This comes to my next point.
Dating doesn’t just come to people. This may seem contradictory according to my last statement. The last paragraph is mainly advice for the girl. This would be my advice for my daughter. "Be engaged in the development of your life. Go out and pursue your passions. Don't seem too eager to date, but be willing to date." Now to my point, some people think that they are ready to date just because they are graduated from high school. This is not the case. I have learned that I need to be self-reliant, healthy/ take care of myself, and friendly. Some people that know me may think that I am shy, but I got things together after my mission and going to BYU Idaho. I looked for self-reliance, health, and friendliness in my spouse. I also had another secret ingredient that I may write on later. This is all that I looked for in my dates. Are they self-reliant, healthy, and does their friendliness fit my lifestyle? When it comes to the skill of being friendly, I found that girls don't really like to be asked out by complete strangers. They would prefer to be asked out by their guy friends. These are the people that they are checking out most closely. They look for personality, and a complete stranger is a little odd for them. I recommended a guy that he should seek to be a girl's friend first, and they disregarded it because he didn't want to be friend zoned. Do you want to know what I learned from a bishopric member? Girls look for the connection. Make connections with them, and they will consider you for a best friendship, which they want in a husband. I would recommend a more acquaintance guy friend relationship. Be quick to ask them out. If you are too slow, they may think that you are not interested.
Dating should be a refining experience. Continually seek to improve your relationships with guys and girls. One thing that I have observed is that boys wonder why they are not making better relationships without changing how they approach people. After a date or dating a person, one should reflect on what should be done differently on the next date. Date frequently. I recommend dating once a week, so you may not have too many girl relationships to juggle. If one works out, the others may wonder about their relationship with you.
What should people do if they think that they have few options? Trust God. God will provide some for you. I found that my spouse was provided to me, when I developed all of the previous attributes of self-reliance, health/ taking care of oneself, and friendliness. My opinion is that people should look within their country for people to date because we are to lift where they stand. We are no longer mandated to move to Utah. Be patient. I was required to wait ten years. Some people may think that is a short time; some people may think that is a very long time. An app that is connecting people from around the world is LDS Match Up. It's like Tinder. Go to stake and regional activities. If you think that options are few, set up parties for your peer group. Put yourself out there.
Don't sit around expecting marriage will come without effort. Marriage will be the hardest task of your life. Dating is really hard too. Trust that God will provide you with a spouse. Guard your virtue. Don't compromise it.