Honor Those Who Are Gone

What do we do when we lose someone for whatever reason? Well at first it is hard and we go through the mourning process. That’s normal, everyone goes through that. I have lost quite a few people over these last 5 years. Some losses harder then others. Each hard for different reasons.

​And with each passing I feel like I have become a better person. I allowed their passings to strengthen me and help me grow. Am I grateful for their passing? No. Am I grateful for the lessons I learned? Yes.

There has been one question I asked myself with each passing that was hard for me. When my grandfather passed I asked myself, how could I honor his life? When my grandmother passed I asked myself the same thing. How could I honor her life?

Then a year ago my ex-husband passed away. It hit me harder then I though it would. Why? Because we had a past together. We played important roles in each other’s lives for different reasons.But here’s what I’ve learned about losing people. We don’t have control over when we lose someone. But how we choose to live our lives once they are gone is a choice and we have control over that. I don’t think we ever truly get over a loss but we do learn to move on and live life without them. I learned I could either live my life in a way that honors those who have passed or live my life in a way that dishonors them. To me honoring them means learning to move on. Why? Because do we really think they would want us to be stuck and unhappy in life over their loss? And by doing so doesn’t mean we loved them more.

I believe some get stuck subconsciously trying to prove how much they loved them. Because if they hurt more then others or longer then that’s proof how much they truly loved them. That’s not the way we should live. That’s not the way to show our love for them. All that is doing is hurting ourselves. I believe they want the people they left behind to live full happy lives.

Honoring them means living life to the fullest, being happy, and not sitting in self~pity over something we can’t change.
It was no coincidence with my ex passing and me making these huge changes in my life at the beginning of this year. January 5th is the day I chose to change my life.

Was this change I am making all for him? No. It’s for a lot of people and for a lot of reasons. But he is one of the reasons why I have been changing my life so much. His passing is what gave me that push I needed.

I thought long and hard how I could honor his life. And the only thing I could come up with was to be the best person I knew how and to live life to the fullest. Maybe even enough for the both of us. So that’s what I’ve been doing all this year. So while we are all going to react differently I do believe it s a choice in honoring or dishonoring those who have moved on without us.