By: Eunice Labrador Cabasal Lato, Moroni Channel
Republic of The Philippines
I know, we all love our children and we all want what’s best for them. As parents, our children are our pride. What they love to do we support them; although it’s not our cup of tea, we try our best to try to understand them. We often times try to cushion them from hurt and pain and let ourselves be hurt instead of them. We become overprotective of them. We spoil them. That is where parents, like me, should assess the areas where we should not become the overly drama queens and overly protective kings a child wouldn’t want for a parent.
Have you ever had an incident in your life wherein your child would want to haggle their way out on some things they want? And when you say “NO” they would show a fit or have tantrums just to get you to give-in to them? And the very uncomfortable part is they do that in public and with an audience. Whew! Believe me, I’ve been there. Sometimes, you just have to skirt that out with finesse (Ha! I know, it’s easier said than done.) But it takes a wise parent to keep their child in place. And when they say “NO” it means “NO”. Here are some ways that I’ve read in an article that every wise parent’s should try to do to establish whose the “boss” between you and your child. It was written by James Lehman, MSW. Remember though, that children have different needs and not all of them are alike. I quote:
1. Establish Your Authority Early On
How can you stop all the over-negotiating and over-explaining as a parent, and let your child know that you mean what you say? The longer that you put that off, the harder it’s going to get. Parents have to establish their authority very early in life by setting limits and having a structure. For example, you don’t let your two-year-old walk by the street; you don’t let your three-year-old go out by the pool. You just have those limits and enforce them. This establishes the structure you will use as a parent for the rest of their childhood.
2. When Kids Get Over-Stimulated
Don’t forget, sometimes kids get over-stimulated and when that happens, it’s very hard for them to respond to a direction. And so parents have to keep that in mind. If kids are over stimulated and get carried away, take them to their room and have a little seat where they can sit, have them take a break for five minutes. That will allow them to recover from the over-stimulation. Then you can talk with them simply and firmly about what the boundaries are. And ask them if they can do it. If they can, then they can go out of the room. If they can’t, then they have to stay in for a few more minutes, until they agree to comply. If your child gets over-stimulated in a store, you can do the same thing by using your car as the calm down area.
3. Don’t Let them Turn You Around
I believe the best thing you can do when your child is arguing with your rules or consequence is to say “No, I’m not going to discuss this any further” and turn around and walk away. Don’t respond to any backtalk. So if you say no and your child starts saying, “But, but, but…” just keep walking. Leave him holding the bag. If you give him the power to turn you back around, he’s going to turn you back around forever. I think kids do need a reasonable amount of explanation, but after you’ve done that, you don’t owe them anything more. It’s not productive.”
Lastly, try to encourage family prayer often and let each family member take turns in leading the prayer. You might be surprised to hear your child’s prayer. Let’s just say, they are full of surprises. (insert wink emoticon).
Bachelor of Science, Foreign Service
Lyceum of The Philippines University - MNL
Bachelor of Science in Foreign Service-Diplomacy
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