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A perfectionist expects sometimes perfection from another and then drives that person to feel, first unsure, then lacking, and finally to the feeling of a measure of guilt, making for a very rocking relationship. A self righteous person expects and therefore looks for faults and then criticizes, thereby ostracizing another.
Children blame parents because of unfulfilled expectations. In this generation they are so filled with social media and psychological talk, that it sets the foundation for blame, disrespect for authority, and ingratitude for all. They expected this or that, and as they then become adults they have a need to find the answer, to solve the mystery of their own curious behaviors, and therefore start pronouncing blame after blame. They commence by saying, if you would of done, or cared more, or even done a better parental job, inciting the specifics, I would not be like the person I am. Thereby many criticisms, reproofs, and judgement are pronounced, damning and barricading the relationship of both.
Traditional members can expects polish from new members, who are incapable at the moment to deliver such deeds or behaviors, alienating them, thereby causing a feeling of being ostracized, displaced, and shunned, not being then able to feel the love, that they need and want, while worshiping in the chapels of our God.
The unfulfilled expectations of others are manyfold and are in plenty supply. Actually the more we are able to live in the moment, enjoying another on common ground, and enjoying the person for who he is, excepting perhaps some quirks and differences, and then not making things conditional according to our own expectations, the more harmonious and blissful our life will become. The less the expectations are, of another’s dutiful performance, it will eventually allow an environment for change, if needed, for it will give the other the agency and freedom, to then do so. If one is battling the judgement and criticism from another, who are expecting heights, that are either to high, or to unrealistic, wanting the other’s change forthwith, they will not be capable for they will not have nether the space, freedom nor love to make the necessary self adjustments. They will instead be battling other battles, the battles of liberty and agency and of feelings of disappointments of self. The love therefore is squandered and squashed away for both parties. Yea, the loss! The Doctrine and Covenants section 121 tells us how we should be when we have stewardship for another or even in all our relationships.
“No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile — Reproving betimes with sharpness, when movedupon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; That he may know that they faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death. Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.”
I don’t have a lot of complaints about the home front, my wife has freedom do go and come as she pleases. If she misses a meal or this, I assume she is either busy or can’t get to it, therefore I don’t give it much thought but adapt to the situation at hand. So on and so forth. With my children when I was raising them we had certain expectations, I guess, especially for telling the truth and yet we tried to create a environment, where when if they falter in a major way we helped them go through the repentance process. Something’s I didn’t tolerant them well, yet I think, it wasn’t from me expecting certain behaviors, as much as dealing with the behaviors they each had. I could at times be impatient and frustrated with my seven children, five teenagers at once, and recognize that I was indifferent to their needs at times.
Sometimes our spiritual expectations of God can be too grand, as to a particular thing, or wanting, and that our faith is such that we believe that our plans and thoughts for a desired outcome is indeed forthcoming. Yet, if this longing doesn’t come to fruition, we can become distraught, weakening our faith, and therefore causing doubt. We then can offer up our complaints unto the most high, and do a bit of spiritual pouting, even being a bit angry. God Forbid. Yet, if we hold on to the iron rod having faith in His way and plans for us, he often times blesses us with something far greater, nevertheless He blesses us with all that is needed for our return, if we but remain faithful and diligent. Yea, even His mercy and grace can gather the lost, disgruntled sheep back into His fold. Therefore we do trust and have confidence in our Lord God, and depend on him to reward our faith, and bless us with our wants and our needs, even though sometimes they maybe different from our expectations. Therefore we march forward and onward to worship and give homage to The Faithful One.
The word “lead” is key to the realm of expectations. If our expectations lead to criticisms, judgements, self righteousness, therefore becoming a bit pharisaic, we need to dial back. If we are continuing to look for faults defects, and failings of another, we need to cease from such behavior.
Yet. if we have a measure of expectations and yet are able to show, that we can love another in the way we should, enjoying one for where and who they are, instead of where and who they are yet not, then that would be the desired way. I think however that the more expectations we have, especially if they are not fulfilled according to our desires, the more dangerous it will be not to find fault, criticism, and judgement.
Dr. Don W. Bowman
Dr. Don Bowman is a Dentist with more than 38 Years of experience planning, developing, implementing and practicing Dentistry. He had all the skills to operate a large practice of Dentistry including, accounting, marketing and the handling of the employees. He served in the navy for Two Years. He won awards in marketing for yellow page add and radio add. Married to a lovely wife for 43 years and have 7 Children and 35 Grand Children. He also served as a Bishop, a high counselor, an Elder’s quorum president and a Stake Mission President.
University of Louisville – Louisville, KY
Minor in French and was trained in orthodontics in Columbus Ohio.
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